i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
