This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
