they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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