fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
