This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
