and you said cock pushups were impossible
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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