While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
