Old men and throwing up are my life now.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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