Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
