I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
