I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
