There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
two words...techno handjob
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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