I just made out with a guy for $7.
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
