'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
