Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize