"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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