If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Randomize
