Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
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