yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
