my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
don't judge my taste in strippers
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
