I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
