why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
