i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
