Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
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