i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
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