well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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