Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
