so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
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