idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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