Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize