he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
