Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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