sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Who put my cat in the fridge?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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