So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize