I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
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