people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
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Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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