Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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