Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
She's the barista slut.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
