i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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