just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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