too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
