if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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