I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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