Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
