captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
