i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
