I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
