Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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