We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
what the fuck happened to the tacos
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize