Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
...so i touched it.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
