The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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