i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
