He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
