Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... π―πππ
Do I even want to know?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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