The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Randomize
