Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
