it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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