My room smells like vodka and shame
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
