I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
