HIV tests are more positive than that guy
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
