Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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